Anger - The Loneliest Side of Grief

Anger towards everything. Anger towards everyone. Anger towards any inanimate object in your way or that won't work. Anger towards God. Anger towards self help grief books. Anger towards the one you lost. Anger towards yourself. Anger at the loneliness you feel.

One of the many phases of grief is anger. But not just any anger - more like rage. In my opinion, this is and has been the hardest phase or part of grief. There are many theories behind it, such as when the death of your loved one occurred you had no control, but by being angry you feel in control. Maybe? I think the anger stems from the frustration of missing someone. For me it feels that way at least. I get so frustrated to think about the whole situation and therefore I become angry out of sheer frustration. I am learning to work out my anger in many various ways. I work out by either doing a sport or just walking on a treadmill until I cannot go a minute longer. And sometimes by just good old fashion crying or writing in my journal until I get a hand cramp. Or screaming into my pillow until I have a sore throat. I also think anger hurts so much and is so frustrating because it is such a lonely emotion when you don't know exactly who or what to even be angry at.

The most important thing I have learned is that you cannot internalize it. It will eat away at your very core. If you ever want life to get back to good, then you have to work through the anger. You cannot ignore it - it will surface. And anger is a natural part of grief. And one that cannot be avoided.

The second most important thing I have learned is that it is okay to be angry at God. He can handle it. I look at anger towards God as a whole new level of love in fact. You have friends and family that sometimes you are angry with and you work that anger out with them and voila you become much more closer than before. Same instance with God. Anger is just part of most of our relationships. That anger towards Him will only bring you closer to Him if you work through it.

"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way."

Evidence

Right now I am on a four day get away in Caneel Bay on St. John's US Virgin Islands. The beauty of the place is breathtaking and almost seems perfect. It is places such as these that you see the most beautiful pieces of "art" created by the hands of God.

If you ever need more evidence of His existence, places like these are all the proof you will ever need. I felt the same way when I went to Yellowstone a few years ago. There are places so unimaginable that you just know that God's hands sculpted the very beach, mountain, or forest you are gazing upon. And that is a feeling of surety as to his existence for me and no further evidence seems needed.

Sinner, Set Free

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." John 8:32

from In the Grip of Grace by Max Lucado

Think of it this way. Sin put you in prison. Sin locked you behind the bars of guilt and shame and deception and fear. Sin did nothing but shackle you to the wall of misery. Then Jesus came and paid your bail. He served your time; he satisfied the penalty and set you free. Christ died, and when you cast your lot with him, your old self died too. The only way to be set free from the prison of sin is to serve its penalty. In this case the penalty is death. Someone has to die, either you or a heaven-sent substitute. You cannot leave prison unless there is a death. But that death occurred on Calvary. And when Jesus died, you died to sin's claim on your life. You are free.