Leading the Way

Dealing with grief is a battle that I fight personally every day. Grief for me has been a very hard learning experience. There is no map to navigate your way through it. For months after my loss, I tried to think my way through grief. This, I finally learned, does not work. My thoughts would play like a reel in my mind. I would find my self trying to answer the same questions over and over every day. Questions that had no answers. I was regurgitating the same questions over and over again until I would feel helpless. One day it just hit me. My head cannot lead the way through grief; it doesn't have those capabilities, but my heart does. The journey through grief then became more navigable. My heart doesn't hamper on the same unanswerable questions. My heart simply leads the way to through each emotion of grief, while my head follows. I made this decision a few months ago and I have had an easier time continuing to move through this time. It doesn't make the loss of a loved one any easier, it will just keep you traveling through this journey, instead of setting up camp there.

Anger - The Loneliest Side of Grief

Anger towards everything. Anger towards everyone. Anger towards any inanimate object in your way or that won't work. Anger towards God. Anger towards self help grief books. Anger towards the one you lost. Anger towards yourself. Anger at the loneliness you feel.

One of the many phases of grief is anger. But not just any anger - more like rage. In my opinion, this is and has been the hardest phase or part of grief. There are many theories behind it, such as when the death of your loved one occurred you had no control, but by being angry you feel in control. Maybe? I think the anger stems from the frustration of missing someone. For me it feels that way at least. I get so frustrated to think about the whole situation and therefore I become angry out of sheer frustration. I am learning to work out my anger in many various ways. I work out by either doing a sport or just walking on a treadmill until I cannot go a minute longer. And sometimes by just good old fashion crying or writing in my journal until I get a hand cramp. Or screaming into my pillow until I have a sore throat. I also think anger hurts so much and is so frustrating because it is such a lonely emotion when you don't know exactly who or what to even be angry at.

The most important thing I have learned is that you cannot internalize it. It will eat away at your very core. If you ever want life to get back to good, then you have to work through the anger. You cannot ignore it - it will surface. And anger is a natural part of grief. And one that cannot be avoided.

The second most important thing I have learned is that it is okay to be angry at God. He can handle it. I look at anger towards God as a whole new level of love in fact. You have friends and family that sometimes you are angry with and you work that anger out with them and voila you become much more closer than before. Same instance with God. Anger is just part of most of our relationships. That anger towards Him will only bring you closer to Him if you work through it.

"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but he did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears and light for the way."

Evidence

Right now I am on a four day get away in Caneel Bay on St. John's US Virgin Islands. The beauty of the place is breathtaking and almost seems perfect. It is places such as these that you see the most beautiful pieces of "art" created by the hands of God.

If you ever need more evidence of His existence, places like these are all the proof you will ever need. I felt the same way when I went to Yellowstone a few years ago. There are places so unimaginable that you just know that God's hands sculpted the very beach, mountain, or forest you are gazing upon. And that is a feeling of surety as to his existence for me and no further evidence seems needed.

Sinner, Set Free

"Then you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free." John 8:32

from In the Grip of Grace by Max Lucado

Think of it this way. Sin put you in prison. Sin locked you behind the bars of guilt and shame and deception and fear. Sin did nothing but shackle you to the wall of misery. Then Jesus came and paid your bail. He served your time; he satisfied the penalty and set you free. Christ died, and when you cast your lot with him, your old self died too. The only way to be set free from the prison of sin is to serve its penalty. In this case the penalty is death. Someone has to die, either you or a heaven-sent substitute. You cannot leave prison unless there is a death. But that death occurred on Calvary. And when Jesus died, you died to sin's claim on your life. You are free.

One Way Ticket?

Most of us think of life as a one way ticket. But as Christians our lives are actually a round trip ticket. We came from the One and will return to Him. Isn't that a great thought? Lots of people conceive this life as a one way ticket like the saying, "You only live once." Well, we only live on this Earth once.

Take a moment to think that wherever you are in your life, it is just a prelude, a blink even, to a new eternal beginning. We only live once on this Earth, but after death, our journey will just begin. We should make the most of this life, by preparing for our return to our Heavenly Father, where our round trip will be fulfilled.

Will of God

When I state the phrase, "Will of God", what is the first thing that comes to your mind? The death of a loved one, a natural disaster, the suffering from an incurable disease or a hard sacrafice. Most people will think of a dark thought in relation to God's will. Charles Allen in the book God's Physciatry states that, "Perhaps one cause is our Lord's prayer in Gethsemane, "Nevertheless not my will, but thine be done." (Luke 22:42). And from Jesus' surrender to God's will He was hung from the cross.

But what about the good, even great, wills of God? Sometimes we forget those. A sunrise is God's will. A sunset is God's will. We have far more of those than we do natural disasters. The will of God does not always need to be synonymous with the bad things that happen to us. His will needs to be also associated to the good that happens to us every single day. Simple things we take for granted as a good mood, a mild day, rain when we need it, and instead of death, the birth of a beautiful baby. The good in life is also God's will.

The Closer You Are to God

I truly believe that the closer you are to God, the smaller everything else seems.

God is everywhere, all the time. He is so massive that standing against anything and everything He overpowers them is size and stature.

As you grow closer to God, you realize that your fears, worries, obstacles and tragedies seem smaller because His presence, love, hope and grace overshadows those things.

If you cling to Him through the good and the bad of life - the good will be great and the bad will get better.

I often tell me people of a mental analogy I had when Addison died. In my head I would have this image of me drowning in this hurricane like sea of huge, crashing waves. An image of a raging sea of grief. But I also would see Jesus standing tall in that storm and holding me up out of the water. So I would see myself clinging to His arm. Now, I don't know why I kept seeing this in my mind, but I do know that it brought me more comfort than anything.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33 (KJV)